Humble Friendship

A couple of weeks ago, I was thinking about my attitude about friendship and relationships (almost a trite topic, eh? ;-)).

I realized that I don't necessarily enjoy the fact that being looked upon as "just a friend" in some sense seems to delegate me to a lower position in the affections of others. Isn't it true that when certain people express disinterest about considering more than friendship, we can feel "not good enough" or "less qualified" ? To be treated as no more important than any other, to take the lowly position--this can be difficult.

In a sense, though, doesn't this seem to be a struggle between grateful humility and selfish ambition? When it really comes down to it, isn't it so much better to be called up, to be summoned to a higher position not because we were striving to please others, but because other people recognize Christ within us as we let our focus rest on Him rather than on impressing others? Because I'm a girl who appreciates it when men are the initiators of advancing relationships from friendship to romance, I have a great opportunity contentedly be a servant in relationships, without needing to try to gain a higher position for my own self. (if only I always were faithful to use the opportunity! ;-)) The goal doesn't need to be to draw attention to myself or to climb to higher places in my own strength because of my own desires. In relationships and in every area of life, too often when we seek positions in our own strength we see that the consequence is being delegated to a low position in the end.

It reminds me of the parable in Luke 14, in which Jesus admonishes us not to seek the high positions for ourselves, since when we do so, we only put ourselves in danger of being publicly humiliated and humbled. It's better to be content with humility in the first place and to be exalted in due time.

"For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be
exalted.” (verse 11)

I'm not saying that once we're content with friendship, we'll automatically be exalted to the position of marriage. ;-) All I'm really saying is that right now we all have different opportunities to rejoice in the positions God has called us to. Since what He's called me to today is friendship and Christ-like agape love, rather than human romance, I've got the chance to be joyful in this state. Friendship is a great gift, and while sometimes we may desire more, if we don't give thanks even when we're in a more humble state in man's affections, we won't really be fit to be exalted. Anyway, no matter how humble our positions ever are here on earth--whether our humble places be in the realm of our jobs, relationships, or any other area of life--none of that really matters so much when we consider the fact that we're never in a low place in the affections, concern, and thoughts of the God of the universe.

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You. Ps. 139

I don't know if I could really ask for anything better than this--to know that God's thoughts towards me are more than the sands of the sea, and that He's with me and thinking of me wherever I am, whether I am humbled or exalted!

"I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:11b-13

That's the kind of attitude I want to have.
No matter what state I'm in, I want to be content and to remember that my strength is in Christ. Yesterday I needed His strength. Today I needed His strength. Tomorrow I'll need His strength. In the humble positions I need His strength. In the exalted positions I need His strength. In friendship I need His strength. If I marry, I'll need His strength...no doubt about it. ;-)

May we always be humble in every place He takes us.
May we never exalt ourselves, but do all for His glory alone.
May we find joy in His loving wisdom as He brings us through different seasons! =D

Thoughts on Sarcasm

Sarcasm was the topic of discussion recently in an online forum I'm part of, so I started giving the topic some thought...
It's actually something that's bothered me for a while, but it's difficult to make sure I don't misuse sarcasm. I try not to use it too often, but sometimes I definitely make the mistake of using it inappropriately, still. ;-)

If I allow sarcastic speech to become a comfortable habit, I know that I’ll end up hurting peoples' feelings--it's happened in the past when unwise sarcastic comments have slipped out of my mouth. I can think of situations when I just went too far and the sarcasm became hurtful. Sarcasm can even be an easy way for me to insult someone in a way that appears to be merely silliness or good-natured fun. It can be tempting to use it that way, since it’s easier than being obviously unkind and simply saying, “I don’t like this about you,” or, “You really bother me.” ;-) If my heart isn’t right and if I haven’t given any negative thoughts over to God, saying something negative about someone in a sarcastic way is just going to be a manifestation of my wrong heart attitude.

Perhaps it can be beneficial if used in an uplifting, fun way. Merry hearts and laugher are like medicine! Yet I probably have seen more hurtful sarcasm than beneficial sarcasm. I’ve even observed from a distance a couple of marriages in which the couples call each other names and mock each others’ faults through sarcasm. How opposite that is from acting in a way that will show others we’re Christians by our love.

When I'm not sure if sarcasm is something my speech should not be, Scripture tells me what my speech should be!

Ecc. 10:12 “Words from a wise man's mouth are gracious, but a fool is consumed by his own lips.”

Prov. 12:18 “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

Matthew 12: 34b-37 “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken…"

My words should be gracious. They should bring healing rather than pain. They should consist of good words, coming from the overflow of my heart. I’ve seen some silly sarcasm among friends that wasn’t out of line with those things, but I’ve also seen sarcasm that seemed to be just the opposite of what our words should be.

I know that we’re supposed to love with our actions, not just with words. But since words can show our heart, it does seem important to let our words and hearts reflect the love that we should already be showing in our actions!
As I was thinking about this and looking up some Scriptures, I came across Job 12:11, which says this: “Does not the ear test words as the tongue tastes food?” When David talks about the words of God in Psalm 119:103, he says, “How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!” Wow, that’s the way I want my words to be! So often I fall short of speaking in a Christ-like way. If someone tested my words just like they taste food, they wouldn’t always see that my words are gracious, healing, and from a loving heart. But I really do want others to “see that the Lord is good” when they taste my words! I need to make more careful choices about when I’m going to use sarcasm and when I’m going to refrain from it. Too often I let words leave my mouth without reigning them in first, saying what I don't want to say, and not saying what I do want to say! God, guard my mouth!

Catching Snow

Sometimes I wish my little sisters could be tiny again. ;-)

Perfect Love

I've been thinking lately about how immature my love must be, for I'm seeing that my human ability to love is polluted with fear. Perfect love is supposed to cast out fear, not to tolerate fear, and certainly not to cause it. ;-) I've been thinking about how ironic it is that often when we feel ourselves beginning to care about someone in a more intense and intimate way, our feelings are surrounded by fear-- fear about what the other person thinks about us, fear regarding our own vulnerability. How imperfect our (my!) treatment of love can be.

First of all, I see how often I'm selfish when it comes to my relationship with Christ. How many times must He be saddened because I put other people or things first? I wonder if it's ever hard for Him to see me make mistakes because of how fervently He desires for me to be more mature and more like Him in His perfection. He must see how much more of me there is that I could give to Him, how much more faithfully I could do Him good and not evil all the days of my life (Prov. 31). I remember times in the past before I really had a relationship with Him when I was afraid to tell Him certain things, afraid of what He'd think if only He knew that I thought the last church service was...boring. It was as if He didn't know; I was treating Him as if He were under the delusion that I was a lot more flawless than I truly was. ;-)

And sometimes these things seem to carry over into my relationships with other people. I wish I didn't care one iota if I were to become of absolutely no reputation, as did the One I should be striving to emulate out of love unaffected by the world around me. I need to work on allowing Him to eradicate selfishness from within me. In my own struggles to love people like He does, it seems to be the main cause of the fear that taints. If I would only keep my mind even more stayed on Him, I'd find peace so much more perfect, peace not disturbed by emotions. I need Him to teach me to love people without caring whether it ever benefits me. I want to be able to love simply for the sake of loving. I want to love in the greatest sense of the word, in a willing-to-lay-my-life-down for the sake of my friends way, even in the every-day sense of thinking of them first and giving of myself time after time when it seems like it might be easier to just demonstrate my love for them once and for all with a single sacrificial plunge. If I allow my friendships to be self-centered, I'll fail miserably in keeping the two greatest commandments--to love God first and my neighbor as myself. I want to love in a way that doesn't seek it's own, that doesn't think evil, that isn't easily provoked, that isn't envious, that suffers long, that does a good job of covering sins, that bears, believes, hopes, and endures.

Love covers a multitude of sins.
Love leaves no room for a multitude of sins.

Help me not to fear...

You're a holy God, so make us wholly Yours.
You are our provider; you give us everthing we need.
Even when it feels like there are things we lack, we know that You withhold no good thing from us.
The things we see as lacks can teach us. They show us just how much we need You.
And even when this life on earth is hard and we're reminded that it's not our home, we know that You are preparing a place for us.
Prepare the people for that place.

Turn wrong directions into Your will.
Help us know that Your faithfulness is not disproved when we face trials.
Give us Your vision even in the fog of circumstances and emotion.
Remind us that blessing comes in many shapes. No earthly pleasure can match the joy of Your embrace.
And You do promise to provide for us, and we're encouraged by Your provision in the past.
Yet we know the spiritual is even more vital than the physical.
If we ever hunger, don't let us forget that our souls can eat of Your bread and drink the living water no matter where we are or what we face.
You say the righteous soul shall never famish. Let us feed on Your faithfulness, and as we grow in our trust of You, may You fulfill Your purposes for us. Teach us patience, and enable us to delight in the way in which You lead us. Be our help. Give us the desires of our hearts. Shape our desires.

Help us mature when we face disappointment. Help us grow satisfied in You alone as we face feelings that tell us that others prosper more than we. Those who despise You sometimes flourish. Yet what we possess in righteousness is greater than the treasures of many wicked, for our treasures are everlasting, imperishable, unable to be stolen. The wicked may appear as strong trees, and yet look how they wither (Ps 37). Keep our leaves ever green as we trust in You and are fully sustained by the streams of living water from the Rock of our salvation (Ps 78). We know not the limits of Your salvation and righteousness, for they are boundless. We walk in Your unlimited strength (Ps 71).

Faith

Israel, awed by Jericho’s wall,
Knew force alone would fail.
God’s orders seemed unusual—
Just walk—and you’ll prevail.

God’s children probably wondered
If orders that seemed so meek
Could destroy a mighty city
Of mockers who thought them weak…

Still they marched when God commanded,
Shouted at trumpet blast,
Saw a stronghold circled in faith
Fall to the ground at last.

When David guarded little sheep
And sang out in the field,
His brothers saw him as unfit
To fight with God as shield.

It looked absurd to see the boy
With slingshot in his hand
Challenge the Philistine warrior
Of build and armor grand.

Yet his strength lay not in slingshot
Or king’s armor lent by Saul—
A little pebble flung in faith
Is what made a giant fall.

You ask if I can conquer
The foes I face today,
If wind blowing hard upon me
Wouldn’t sweep me right away.

You say that I’m mistaken
If I think I shall prevail,
As you look at all the battles,
Storms, mountains I must scale .

How can I claim the victory
Of battles yet unfought?
My enemies have chariots,
Fleet steeds for the onslaught.

My gates, they are surrounded
By warriors so strong,
Rich with plunder from past victories;
Loud rings their battle song.

But do not be confused: although
I’m weak, you may be sure
That I’m protected by a fortress,
Tall, strong and secure.

No, I do not ride a chariot,
Or have a lance of steel—
But my God’s a man of war who
Crushes evil with His heel.

You ask how I know I’ll triumph?
And I say, see my shield,
My sword, my captain—He’s the one
Who for me wins the field.

For though I may strive and labor,
I can’t win on my own.
Yet when I rest my faith in Christ,
And walk His path alone…

And walk though I can’t see victory,
And walk when things look grim,
Then I know that I will triumph
For my faith rests in Him.

by Holly (5/07)

Show me, that I might obey...

God, show me.
Do I need to surrender?
Tell me what it is you want.
Please.
I may need help to obey,
But first I need to know
What obeying means today.
I'm willing to give things up,
But I can't give them up with peace
Unless I know You really want me to.
There isn't any joy for me in making choices
If I don't know which ones bring joy to You.
You might be showing me things, God,
But I'm so unsure.
Help my hearing.
Let me see.
I feel like a broken record, God...
But life isn't always so poetic.
I'm not asking for Your whole plan now, God.
I'm asking for one step to be shown.
I want to obey, God.
With all of my heart, I want to obey.
I do so want my life to please You.
I don't know if my human desires line up with the plans You have,
But I want to obey.
I've seen my own desires changing.
I don't know what that means or where I'm going.
I do know that I want to do what You want me to.
That might mean doing things I would naturally choose on my own.
Or it might mean doing things I've never wanted for myself,
And the only reason why I'd want them now
Is the fact that You do,
And You know what's best.
For I know it doesn't really matter what seems best to me.
My purpose doesn't lie in pleasing me.
Just show me, God.
Show me what You want, I pray.
Clearly. Today. Every day.