Immerse me in Your peace.
It is balm for weary souls.
It is rest from speculation.
It is trust You're in control.

It's hard to trust You, God, when You say, "Put your will there."
My heart is here, not there.
But You are everywhere, and You will be with me wherever You lead me.
Take my heart in Your hands.
Pull out every thought that was born of me, not You.
If You'd just take a scissor and cut off all protruding signs of thoughts astray,
Other people would see them as nipped in the bud.
But You see more than they see, desiring truth in inward parts.
If inner roots that I can't reach need weeding out,
If You need to disentangle thoughts or pull or re-arrange,
I give You my permission.
My heart's Yours anyway.
If the process isn't fun, that's okay.
I don't ask you to take away the pain;
Sometimes it's painful to be healed, and sometimes it's hard to be corrected.
But it's worth it.
Only take away the pain that's caused by lack of trust.
Fear doesn't change the past; it only harms our futures.

Immerse me in Your peace.
It is balm for weary souls.
It is rest from speculation.
It is trust You're in control.
And when my faith is faltering because my heart is here, not there,
Remind me You are everywhere.
You'll never lead me away from You.
And pain doesn't change the fact that in Your presence is fulness of joy.
In Your presence is fulness of joy.
In Your presence is fulness of joy.

You know the feeling that you just need to be willing to let God be the one in control?To be willing to do whatever it is He asks, whether it brings immediate joy or the sorrow that we've been promised will be followed by joy in the morning?

I thought I'd been winning the battle of surrender--and I think that in some ways I was, in the initial things God has asked me to surrender. But it seems like we never quite run out of battles and opportunities to surrender to God's plans and wisdom. I'm realizing that after I turn one thing over to God, there's usually something else I need to turn over next, sometimes even another facet of the same issue I hadn't contemplated before when I'd *thought* I'd surrendered and was willing for any possibility.

I suppose that if you've got decisions or battles in front of you, it increases the desire for a listening heart, hearing ears, and willingness...But decisions are things I get tired of encountering. School decisions, even struggles in friendships--these are battles that I'm sometimes so unsure how to respond to, or I simply lack the desire to respond to in the way I know is right. Lately God's been working on my willingness and desire to let Him control all of me, right down to the intangible desires that are sometimes just as distracting as the tangible things I see right in front of me. It can be difficult to remember how wonderful His ways are when they seem hard at the moment.

I thought I'd reconciled myself to doing whatever You asked of me.
I was learning to surrender like Abraham.
But what if You asked me to be like his son?
I myself might feel prepared to sacrifice;
what if it feels like I'm the one being sacrificed?
Make me willing to sacrifice.
Make me willing to be sacrificed.
Make me willing to lay things down on the altar.
Make me willing to be laid down on the altar.
I know You want me to learn
to trust You with the things I care about,
to trust You that things will turn out well in the end
regardless of whether You hold back my hand.
Grant me the faith to lay my future wherever You ask me to.
Grant me the faith to remember, like Abraham, that Your Word is infallible.
He believed as he sacrificed that You were even able to raise his son up from the dead.
He didn't reject Your promise.
He rejected the idea that death was more powerful than Your promise.
Surrendering never negates Your plans.
But it beautifies them.
Surrender may mean sacrifice,
Or it may simply mean being willing to sacrifice, should that be what You require.
Help me even to stop making up my own mind to sacrifice my desires to the death
when all You've asked is that I be willing to put You first.
It might seem holier, and maybe simpler or desirably quick
to just go ahead and kill the sacrifice.
I could sever things with a single plunge.
But that isn't surrender if it isn't what You've asked me to do.
Remind me that You who can resurrect in a heartbeat
also have authority over whether my hand is stayed.
And if it should be Your desire, give me the strength to climb onto the altar myself.
As long as Your plan is fulfilled, so am I.
Help me stop trying to figure it all out.
Enable me to rid my sight of speculation.
It makes it so much harder to walk by light.
In the meantime, help me stop looking for the ram.
Instead, may it be Your face I seek,and Your heart that I attain.

"Your mercy, O LORD, is in the heavens;
Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds." (Ps 136:5)

Rambly Thoughts on Relationships and on How Much Better God's Plans and Ways Are and on How He Can Do Great Things When We Listen to His Voice! :D

When it comes to relationships, it seems like even within God-honoring relationships we can easily tend toward focusing on ideals of how things must or *must not* take place.
It’s easy to think that something couldn’t possibly be God unless it happens exactly according to our preconceived ideas and the rules we’d made in our own minds. (“God, the person has to have certain outward qualities, cannot be from any other state, etc.”) I think it's also important for us to realize that lack of immediate emotion doesn't mean a relationship is unthinkable, just like the presence of emotion doesn't mean that one is appropriate.

Within the boundaries of Biblical relationships that are in line with God-given guidelines, I think God is more than capable of surprising us by transcending our expected specifics of how things should occur. (When I say that He's capable of transcending emotions, I do *not* mean that we won’t be attracted to our future spouses! I’m just saying God is capable of sparking attraction where we didn’t expect it.)

It’s easy to get so worried about how God will work things out that we’re actually distracted by our own consuming thoughts and miss out on things God has for us, things that don’t always occur exactly when or how we expected. Guidelines are awesome, but once we’ve studied Biblical principles about relationships, walking in line with what God shows us in each circumstance we face is most important. We girls can be consumed with making ourselves the most desirable, most attractive potential spouse for someone and constantly hoping that the right person will show up in the next month or two, when God already has taken it upon Himself to transform us with His beauty if we're really willing to allow Him to transform our lives and make us more like Him. We really don't have to be worried. When we follow Him each step of the way and do our best to be the women He wants us to be, we can grow in maturity and make wise choices, without carrying alone the burden to transform our own selves.  He can show us just what we need to do to be ready for whatever He's calling us to, if we're just willing to sit at His feet and listen.

It's easy as young women to let our feelings determine our desires, when our greatest desires should be to allow God to conform our feelings to line up with His plans. God’s so much more capable of bringing things to pass than we are, anyway, and the things He plans are always so much higher than our own plans. It's true in so many areas of life.

We really should do our best to be prepared for whatever future we think God is calling us to, to be well-approved, and to grow in wisdom and in favor with God and man. Yet as we wait, I think we need to wait even more upon God than upon a future spouse. =)

"As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the Lord is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him."

Psalm 18

Being Satisfied in Christ, Overflowing with Love for HIM!

We serve a jealous God. I think that it would bring Him much greater joy if we learn to be fulfilled wherever He has us now. Then if He does bring us another person to love, perhaps we'll be able to expand our love and attention to another person without it being as great a distraction as that Paul lamented. I'd like to be in a spot where the love I give to others is the overflow from being saturated in my love relationship with Him. I think we'd be in an amazing situation if our relationships with others didn't detract from our relationship with God.
How difficult, though--I suppose that's why Paul recognized how easy it is for us to be distracted and caught up with others without putting Him first.

It sounds silly, but it reminds me of what I felt like God was teaching me the other day while I was eating a snack. I felt disappointed because it just wasn't as pleasing as I'd hoped. "This is so unfulfilling," I thought. I felt convicted as soon as the thought crossed my mind for even applying the term "fulfilling" to something so transient that could never deserve that adjective on its own.

When I'm having a difficult day, somehow a snack doesn't raise my level of joy in proportion to the difficulty.
If our attitudes are flawed, will a relationship fix all the problems?
If we're already not content where we are, would we really be completely content in a different state?
We might be happier for a time, but the state of being in a relationship is never without its difficulties, either.
Just like the snack couldn't bring contentment, I don't think different relationship statuses can alone bring total fulfillment.
I tend to think that good things aren't as fulfilling as we'd hoped if we aren't already satisfied and content in the Giver of them even before they're given.

God is so good to us!

Are you surprised that I’m confused again, God?
What is it you’re doing with my life?
What is it you’re wanting from me?

I can’t see.
I can't even see what's right in front of me some days.
And even when I do see what's right before my eyes,
I fail to discern sometimes,
Or interpret incorrectly.
I feel like a fool.

I feel.
But vision’s thwarted by my thoughts.
I know the path’s not changing.
It’s my sight that wavers.
Oh, how tears can blur my view of something steadfast.

Catch them.
Catch me.

I need You so much.
I love You so much.
I know you know it;
You don’t forget that kind of thing.
And even if You did, I’m telling You again.

I know you know how much I want You.
Help me show it.
Oh God, help me show it.

I lack eloquence.
But how much eloquence is really needed
For me to remind you that I want to be Yours?

I get tired of confusion,
But not of You.
One day at a time You show me more..

Oh, the theme is old…
Words repeated, thoughts recurring.
One hazy viewpoint succeeded by another.

For life consists of more than just one question.
I don't know what I'd do if You weren't my Forever Answer.I don't know what I'd do without You.

I know confusion doesn’t last forever.
But You do.
A theme may grow tiresome when it's turned to prose.
But adoration is never out-dated.
Uphold me, God, uphold me.

Being perplexed, I say,

"Lord, make it right!"

Night is as day to Thee,

Darkness as light.

I am afraid to touch

Things that involve so much;

My trembling hand may shake,

My skilless hand may break;

Thine can make no mistake.

"Being in doubt I say,

"Lord, make it plain;

Which is the true, safe way?

Which would be gain?

I am not wise to know,

Not sure of foot to go;

What is so clear to Thee,

Lord, make it clear to me!"

~Streams in the Desert

Post-Campaigning Thoughts

“This is the 400th call I’ve gotten from you people, and I’m getting sick of it,” the woman tells me when she hears why I have called.

Grating is the sound of her berating.

I don’t agree. But then, my view may be one that she’ll never see. Perhaps I ask of her something she’ll never be.

I understand. Who wants to hear the same thing even twice?

I have heard those who are disturbed to hear me speak about things that should mean more than dirt at their feet.

I’m grateful: the words I speak are not all scattered with the dust.

In life, I’ve made petitions even more crucial than for votes.

That they’ve been heard I have no doubt. Nor do I doubt that, when accepted, they are valued, even when the King I come before has already heard me call out a great many times, even when my request sounds just the same.

A plethora of conversation brings Him pleasure. Scores of seekers cry out simultaneously; still He smiles at me.

He tells me:

“Come again. All day I long to hear your voice, each night to know your thoughts.

I know the secret things already, come, talk with me about them. Don't be afraid.You’ve considered that so many times; why have we only discussed it four?

Or perhaps we’ve spoken four-hundred times already. I wish it had been more. Let’s amend the lack, increase the frequency. Even silence can be saturated with worship that means more than words express.

Speak with me more.

I’ll always answer when you knock at my door.”

Only One can I think of Who would give all He had that I might be His supplicant.

Having a good conversation with Him? Incomparable.

And for the record...campaigning was amazing, filled with close friends, awesome leaders, and dedication to work for something we believe in.
There's joy in the knowledge that even when a candidate doesn't win, He makes our efforts worthwhile. ;)